Bearing Witness

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When I finally (after a couple years of pondering) landed on the name “Centered-Connections” for my business name, I had no idea how profound those words would become for me and my well-being.  I knew at the time that they reflected a value that I held high, that of real, authentic connections. And I knew I wanted my life's work to be about cultivating those connections.​

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One week into our March ‘National Parks of the Southwest’ road trip, as we were heading into the Grand Canyon, my husband and I received word from home of a tragedy in our family that shook us to the core and jarred us awake.  My apologies if this sounds abrupt and harsh, but that's exactly what it was and is:  My sister-in-law and her husband were found dead in their home, a murder-suicide, to which there is no sense-making.  Left behind are four grown boys and their families, suddenly without parents to share in their lives. 

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Juxta positioned against this anguish are the incredible joys of my life (a grandchild’s delight, heartwarming feedback after our retreat, ‘Transitions and New Beginnings,’ the chance to explore the splendor of some of our National Parks with the man I love, and my dear friends’ and family’s support).  It feels selfish, at these times, to acknowledge so much joy and to allow myself to feel it.

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 Which, I suppose, is part of the reason why my emotions have been like a roller-coaster, from the sobbing depth of grief's despair and disbelief to the heights of wonder and awe, not just witnessed in nature but also in the loving, human response to tragedy and loss.

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My friend, Barb, pointed me in the direction of a book by David Kessler entitled, “Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief.”  In it, Kessler writes, “Each person’s grief is as unique as their fingerprint.  But what everyone has in common is that no matter how they grieve, they share a need for their grief to be witnessed. That doesn’t mean needing someone to lessen it or reframe it for them. The need is for someone to be fully present to the magnitude of their loss without trying to point out the silver lining.”

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I believe bearing witness to one another is important in all aspects of life, because every new stage, every transition requires letting go of something you once valued. In her newest book, “The Light We Carry”, Michelle Obama recalls the time of transition from their Chicago home to the White House, and writes about her profound need for her friends to be present:  “I was happy to have so many of them coming to D.C. to help us celebrate, to witness what for America counted as a transfer of power, but for me also felt like a nerve-racking transfer from one life, one way of being, to another.  I needed my own witnesses for that, friends who could revel in the day’s glory…and who could find me afterwards and hug me tight, knowing exactly how much about our old life I was going to miss.”

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Perhaps that’s why I am feeling the need to write openly about this today.  All I know is that it absolutely points to why I value centered-connections and deep friendships in my life. It’s why I have cards from many of you (some recent, some from years ago) sitting around my home in places where I see them, reread them, and feel your loving presence. 

It's why these words by Mary Oliver are calling out to me, even though my grief is still too fresh to fully embrace them, "Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon? Tell me, what is your plan to do with your one wild and precious life?".

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And it’s why YOU, who gather to practice Qigong together, are such an important part of my life and well-being.  Together we can bear witness to every aspect of life, we can laugh and sob together, we can send our healing energy out into the world in a mindful way that upholds all of creation.

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I hope you feel it, too – the sense of being part of a loving community, a ‘centered-connection’ to one another and to the Divine in each of us.

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With deep gratitude,

Sandy Salvo

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P.S.  Don’t miss the chance to feel connected to the entire WORLD this coming Saturday, April 29th at 10am:  World Tai Chi and Qigong Day Event in Middleton, WI:  One World, One Breath!  Details are below.  For those outside the Madison area, check out events in your local area at:  Worldtaichiday.org